Lament by Stewart Lynsey M

Author:Stewart, Lynsey M.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-03-21T16:00:00+00:00

18

Alex

I didn’t normally suffer from nerves before a performance. They were always there in the background, but over the years I’d learnt to control them, keep myself steady. Tonight’s nerves were heightened, and I knew the reason why.

Because of her.

There would be a large audience tonight, critics and colleagues, fans and music lovers, but I’d be playing only for the woman with the potential to break through the strings of my cello, the ones I’d wrapped a million times around my heart. Tying them with a loop, securing them with a lock.

‘What time is it?’ I asked Nadia who was fiddling around with some documents. Contracts for new music. Excitement on every page for the notes that Nat had inspired me to write.

‘Just after seven,’ she replied, her head lifting. ‘You seem distracted tonight. What’s wrong?’

‘I’m fine,’ I shot back, the inability to restrain my bark was high and that comforted yet frustrated me in equal measures. ‘Do I need to do anything before I make my way to the stage?’ My eyes flicked to the cello in the corner. Warm-up and practice were futile when I was feeling this way, but would I come to regret it when the reviews were in tomorrow?

‘Maybe calm down a little?’ Nadia suggested, a smile breaking the gloss she’d just applied to her lips. ‘I can get you a drink if that will help?’

‘No, not necessary,’ I replied, stretching out my fingers. ‘I need a clear head.’

Nadia sat down at the coffee table in front of me, clasping her hands together as she cleared her throat.

‘If you’re worrying about how the new music will be received, don’t. The parts I’ve heard are breathtaking. Honestly. Relax.’

I blew out a breath and closed my eyes. The image of Nat behind them. Dancing her way through the scattered pieces of glass in my brain, ignoring the sharp edges that threatened to scratch, leave a scar, frighten her away. Her soul was like a searchlight trying to reach the better parts of me that had been hidden behind the grief. I should be on my knees before her, worshipping, not fantasising about decorating her in knots.

‘There is something you can do to help.’

‘Anything,’ she replied, holding onto my knee to steady it.

‘Go down to the box office and confirm that Natasha Bevan has collected her ticket.’ Her hand left my knee immediately.

‘Of course. Give me a minute.’ I watched as she slowly made her way across the dressing room, stopping as she reached the door. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve just remembered. I spoke to Natasha yesterday when I collected Elise from class. Unfortunately, she isn’t able to make it tonight. She said something about preparing for a dance competition?’

I stood up, a vein of cortisol popped open in my chest, a rush so deep and weakening that I held onto the chair to keep my body upright. ‘What? No, she definitely said she could come,’ I replied, panic settling in. ‘I’m expecting her.’

‘I’m sorry. I don’t know why I forgot to tell you.

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